Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Predictions of the Day: Professor yells at cop, gets arrested, writes book about it...


... and a whole rainbow worth of racist coalitions get excited.

I may be starting a new line of posts here, called "Predictions of the Day".

Anyway, here's the first one:

When the tapes (Yep, they got tapes.) come out, it will probably prove what the witnesses have confirmed: the police report is accurate. Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. followed Sgt. James Crowley out onto Professor Gates' front porch, verbally abused him and was arrested.

Speaking from personal experience, verbally abusing a cop is an automatic free guided tour of the vomit-sour back seat of a cruiser and the accompanying ride downtown. It doesn't matter if you're black, white, green, purple, or a DQ swirl-cone with cherry dip. And despite what you would think, at the times things like this happen, "right" or "wrong" and nuanced thought on possible public opinion ramifications don't come into it....

It's also a Twilight-Zoney coincidence that the cop teaches a class in racial profiling avoidance techniques.

Some predictions? Why not?

Sgt. Crowley will be demonized by many and will be defended by many, and both camps will be doing so for the wrong reasons: they have their political axe to grind or their own racial bias to promote.

He will eventually retire to a small town and star in his own TV show, complete with his very own deputy sidekick and a whole slew of funny-townie characters, all of them white, but none of them racist.

Professor Gates will continue the talk-show rounds, the pictures with Al Sharpton and Spike Lee, and in the process becoming a universally revered Black Culture Icon, kinda the anti-Bill Cosby.

He will write a best-selling book on the Profiling of Black Males in America - no "publish or perish" for this guy. He'll also be able to afford to buy a bigger summer home on Martha's Vineyard. This is so he can shout an even louder "Do you know who I am?" to cops who really don't give a crap.

He will also get a self-explanatory Tommie Smith-John Carlos tattoo on his forehead, so that he doesn't have to pose like that all the time. Plus, the tat will be the shizzle at his sold-out Harvard lectures.

Our President, the esteemed 0-Man, who surprised many by jumping the traces of his Teleprompter and jamming both feet into his mouth (just like he puts his pants on), will have very little else to say. However his press secretary and other minions will be making multiple rounds of the bloviating talking-head shows, back-tracking, obfuscating, and generally trying to smoke screen the 0-Man's way out of a predicament he should never have been in; but it makes a helluva distraction from the Health Care debacle.

Women in Cambridge will still call the cops when they see two guys breaking down the door of a house.

There you go. As you can see, I've taken some real risks here. I just know you appreciate it.

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